I'm taking tomorrow off, and possibly the rest of the week, because it's finally hit me tonight how shaken up I am about this whole thing with my niece. Which is pretty much in line with how I fall to pieces after crises pass, except not because I realized tonight that if my sister threw my niece out once, there's nothing really stopping her from doing it again. And all this has brought up some stuff about me being homeless in a very similar situation twelve years ago, and though I thought I'd dealt with all that, I clearly haven't, based on the fact that I just inappropriately snapped at a valued commenter in a completely random -- and yet unexpectedly related to all this -- thread.
I've sent an email apologizing to the commenter -- and am also noting here and now that I acted like a jackwagon, for which I am heartily ashamed -- and I think I need to step away from life for a day or two and curl up in a ball and wrestle with some demons. Because I really, really, really do not know right now how to deal with my sister (with whom I am furious), or my niece (for whom I am terrified), or my parents (emotions so complex there are no words), all of whom I will be seeing in a few weeks for Early Family Christmas. And I really, really, really do not know right now how to deal with issues that I thought were tightly buried down and which are now bubbling up to the surface when I least expect it.
So I'm taking tomorrow (and possibly the rest of the week) off, by which I mean I'll be monitoring comments for trolls and spam like always, but probably not commenting. We're posted through with a Narnia post and something else (I can't remember at the moment), and I think I have a pending post on Slacktiverse, so if anyone really needs a response to a comment or question and I've failed to respond, ping me with an email and I'll try to respond as soon as I can.
My apologies, both in the general and the particular.
16 comments:
You and your niece are in my thoughts. Take care.
Obviously I don't want you to go, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that if you need time you need time and you have to do what's best for you. Not just because it's best for you, though that is by far the most important reason, but also when you take care of yourself you're better able to interact with and write for the rest of us. When you're at our best it's best for all of us.
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As for all of the other stuff, I have no good advice. Last time I was in a vaguely similar situation I blew up. For your niece I recommend hugging (if your family in general and she in particular are/is comfortable with that) and unconditional love. If she becomes a mass murderer you might want to rethink the lack of conditions, but for now: unconditional.
I can't speak for the specific apology, but no general apology is needed. Good, uhm.. luck isn't quite the right word. Good strength dealing with this, for the want of a better term.
all the love, Ana *hugs*
***hugs*** if you want them!
Hugs from over here as well. As depizan said, take the time you need; the internet isn't going anywhere.
I'm so so sorry. Sending good thoughts to both you and your niece.
Your health comes first in all cases, and especially in those that bring up old things long thought buried and resolved. We'll keep the place tidy and organized. Virtual hugs and as much support as you need.
*offers hugs*
Take all the time you need.
*hugs*
You just do what you gotta do, Ana. Take care and ALL THE HUGS.
*hugs*
{{{{Ana}}}}
({{{{{{Ana's niece, who won't read it, but anyway}}}}}})
(And, well, {{{{{everyone else}}}}} too)
*offers hugs if you want them* Take the time you need dear. Your mental health and stability should ALWAYS come before blogging no matter how much you love it. Do what you need to be in a better place for YOU and hopefully things will get to a better point. I'm sending positive energy towards you and your niece and hoping for the best for both of you.
Sympathies and hopeful thoughts.
*offers hugs* Take all the time you need. Caring for yourself, especially in an awful situation like this, is absolutely necessary.
I have some resources I could offer, but it's all very specific to LGBT issues. I do not know if that is relevant here or if it would be helpful. I offer it in case you think it might. If so, I can whip them out for you to peruse.
Take care, and I hope your niece is okay!
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