Here’s the difference. And pay attention, because while it is not a particularly complex concept, some people just can’t seem to wrap their heads around it.
Say that my entire family is eaten by wolves. In my grief, I insist, “I’m not grieving, I’m happy, because it’s all part of God’s plan. The Lord wanted this to happen. My family is in heaven now, eating ice cream.”
Everyone nods, no decent person would argue. It’s my right to spin my tragedy however I like, however brings me solace.
Now change the premise. My family is fine. The wolves rush past them to your family and eats your family instead. While you are grieving, I stroll over, drape my arm around your shoulder and say, “Don’t grieve. Be happy, because it’s part of God’s plan. The Lord wanted this to happen. Your family is in heaven now, eating ice cream.”
I’m a jerk to say that, right? Because I’m using my religious outlook to dismiss the tragedy that has torn your life apart. It’s not my place. We have the right to interpret the universe in a way that makes sense to us. What we don’t have a right to do is expect — never mind demand — that other people share our worldview.
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Thank you.
3 comments:
So, just to be completely off topic (I have nothing to add to the OP which seems to say all that needs to be said), remember how I talked about translating the Universal Lord's Prayer into Latin? Finished it today. So, now in Latin. No idea if it's good Latin; wasn't particularly good English.
I'm not sure I agree that anyone grieving is allowed to say/believe anything they want, and we have to let them. It's important to be sensitive and empathetic to people in grief, but I think part of respect and empathy is also a reality check. Blaming God may not be harmful in itself, but it can be used as a way to exonerate people who should be held accountable (the wolf handlers who released the pack on Picnic in the Park Day) or, more troubling, target people who don't have accountability (the mosque across the street from the park that God is clearly targeting by letting wolves eat families).
Grief can be a time where you're just not thinking - where you're unable to think rationally. For completely understandable reasons, this can produce some really fucked up reactions, and I sort of think that other people need to keep an eye out for potentially dangerous situations, either in cases of self-harm or violence against others. (With one exception - I am 100% on board with punching people who say shit like "God never gives you more than you can handle." Those people are the WORST.)
Even in cases where there's no direct harm, I think public acceptance of victim's sentiments re:God's plan can be toxic. If you want to believe your rape was part of God's plan, that's completely fine. But for everyone to agree? Eeehhhhh . . . that's a totally different, potentially really thorny issue.
I am 100% on board with punching people who say shit like "God never gives you more than you can handle."
Well that should be OK, God would never give them more than they could handle.
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