[Trigger Warning: Gender Detecting]
I've been watching The Borgias on Netflix this month in my downtime because I love lush historical dramas and the actors really are so good in this series. But I'd forgotten that there's a gross subplot in Season 2 where the pope becomes attracted to a young man only to find that "he" is a woman who disguised herself in order to apprentice as a painter. (I'm using she/her pronouns for her because she really does seem to be a disguised cis woman rather than a trans man to me.) There's one of those trope moments of "well, phew, at least the pope wasn't attracted to a GUY" because obviously there is nothing more upsetting than queerness. Ugh.
I've seen this trope a lot and it irks me so much. Why does no one ever just not care? Or have a little lightbulb moment where they realize they're bisexual? Or even a major lightbulb moment where they realize they're full-on no-girls-allowed gay? Or at the very least not make this moment about their manly heterosexual boner? This girl is telling you she had to disguise herself and live a lie for her own safety and you want to talk about your dick? Dude.
So. I've written a classic version of this scene and then re-written it five different ways I'd much prefer to see instead.
---
The boy laughed again and Nathan couldn't help but smile in response. His face was just so warm and open, his joy infectious in this moment. Nathan found his eyes tracing the boy's lips, wondering if they felt as feathery soft as they looked, and then shook himself. He had never before thought--
"There's something I have to tell you," the boy added, a blush creeping over his cheeks. "I'm... a girl. I disguised myself in order to enter the city, but I no longer wish to hide it from you. Please.. say something?"
Nathan heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god you're a woman."
---
"Please... say something?"
Nathan hesitated before his answer, unsure whether or not to speak candidly. "I have something of my own to confess: I am deeply attracted to you, and have been for some time. Only now do I feel safe to say so, though I confess those fears which I possessed seem arbitrary and absurd in the light of our situation. Why should my attraction to you be shameful only five minutes ago and yet natural and good now? But I digress."
---
"Please... say something?"
Nathan blinked at her urging, coming back to himself from the internal turmoil which had gripped him. "Though it may not be entirely relevant now, I am coming to the realization that I am bisexual."
"I just told you I'm a girl."
"Yet I was attracted to you when I thought you were male. Moreover, I'm only now realizing that some of my childhood admirations were themselves very likely romantic infatuations, though I was not cognizant at the time. None of this alters the affection I feel for you, of course, but from a perspective of self-discovery I am humbled by the awareness that even as an adult I can learn new things about myself."
---
"Please... say something?"
Nathan's smile was gentle. "This revelation does not cause me relief, for I am comfortable in my sexuality and masculinity. Furthermore, it would be uncouth to express such relief in a way that would center my anxieties in a discussion regarding the very real oppressions you have faced. As such, I will restrict my remarks to validation and sympathy, as I'm sure this lengthy subterfuge has not been an easy one for you."
---
"Please... say something?"
Nathan took a deep breath and steeled himself to ask, social niceties be damned. "I value your friendship and safety, and really hope it is not too forward to query whether you have a brother who might be interested in seeing someone like me."
---
"Please... say something?"
"I have a lot of questions about your hair and why you didn't just cut it rather than piling it under a loose cap? I mean, it's windy out there! Think of the risks. A single bad gust and everyone would know."
"...you aren't going to express relief that you weren't all this time attracted to a man?"
"Uhh. No?"
She heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god you're not a toxic asshole."
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