Film Corner: Pirates of the Caribbean

We're watching Pirates of the Caribbean (THE ONLY ONE) with the RiffTrax riffs, and I only just realized that the guy who wants to marry Elizabeth later is a whole adult in this scene of her as a child. I do actually know a ~15 year age gap isn't historically unprecedented, but that was a Choice that I do not think I like. (He's probably supposed to be younger than he looks, but he *looks* old.)

How is he giving her this gown TODAY when he plans her to wear it? They'd need to fit it to her! I don't care if they gave her measurements to the seamstress, you still have to have a fitting to check that no one made a mistake anywhere! Clothes are actually very complex creations! ...How did I never notice before that Swann and Sparrow are both bird names, lol.

Why are the pirates screaming and falling over in pain when weapons hit them? It preserves the twist that they're immortal unstoppable skeletons, but why? Do they still feel pain when not touched by moonlight? Later Barbossa shoots one of them in the heart as a test (in the cavern) and they feel no pain and don't fall down, so I'm puzzled about the raid on the town and the "dying" pirates in the streets.

Why are they all so panicked that she could drop the gold piece into the sea? They can sense its presence AND they can walk the ocean depths. Norrington is whole ass banana nut butter. "The pirates aren't Sparrow's allies, therefore he must not know anything about them. Not worth bothering to ask." This movie is to be praised for moving with a speedy pace and reckless confidence that made me not notice several of these issues my first dozen watch-throughs.

Barbossa has a blue apple. Heirloom strain?

I feel like this movie works in part because we really DON'T know if Jack is a good guy or a neutral guy or even hell an evil guy. Will's suspicion of him is reasonable! Speaking of which, it's kinda impressive that Sparrow was able to alienate his crew SO MUCH in his FIRST DAY at sail that they: (A) marooned and left him for dead and (B) were ready and wanting to shoot him on sight in the cavern. It says a lot about his management style, that's alls I'm saying. Either that or Barbossa was, like, going around to everyone behind his back being all "by the way, Jack banged your mom" and the pirates believed him.

The monkey is a skeleton, right? That strongly implies that he took gold from the chest, that the curse applies to animals, and that he's been ceremoniously blooded. This brings up a lot of questions about other potential skeletal animals. Like: They don't close the chest when they're not there. What if, say, an unaffiliated rat took a gold piece, became a cursed skeleton, left the gold piece on the cave floor (thereby becoming untrackable himself, since the pirates can only sense the gold and not a cursed person), and then walked into the ocean to explore the Mariana Trench? Presumably the pirates would be stuck forever.

Elizabeth has amazingly manicured nails. What did Jack use as barter for passage? In this essay I will explore queerness in pirate culture, and sexual work in exchange for passage--

Wait. Turner sent the gold to his son because he didn't want the curse broken and they deserved to stay cursed...but they only learned AFTER they killed him that they needed his blood? So at one point they knew they needed the gold pieces, but DIDN'T know about the blood?? What, did the chest come with two-sided instructions and they only read one side at first????

Apparently Elizabeth was able to lower a rowboat entirely by herself and totally silently, which makes her stronger than every other person on board by far. WHAT. It's a silent night and sound carries over water! They didn't hear the gunfire and sword fighting on the ship UNTIL the dying dude rang the alarm bell?!

Barbossa threatening Elizabeth with his gun in order to stop Jack is...interesting. He has no reason to believe Jack cares about her, and he's not particularly sentimental about others himself, so for him to assume Jack will care about her is an interesting leap and/or insight into the character of a person he really shouldn't know very well? (Given that, again, per the backstory we were given they only sailed together for one day before the mutiny.)

That's a fun movie and I do respect that it has enough confidence to barrel through plot holes the size of undead elephants.